There’s good and there’s evil. Right and wrong. Heroes and villains. Comrades and exams. And now you’re looking at the latter juxtaposition and wondering if it’s even juxtaposition at all and if it is, then how does it fit into the cosmic philosophy of the former three.
I don’t know.
But I do know this, when a comrade fail to pass their exams, it’s not because they’re less smarter than a rock. No far from it. But when the good old smile-facially challenged Professor told comrades to report back to school and finish their degrees- so they can do more to this corona fight than post social media challenges on Facebook and Instagram- we were elated.
So we troop back in, sons and daughters of this strange Earth, young, fresh, eager and more rejuvenated than ever. It was all so cool really. The howdy greetings of, “hey I haven’t seen you since the plaque” rent the campus air in a jubilation mood. Well, until shit happened, and if you’re following, by now you should know that exams are a lot of shit. How can somebody task you to condense an over a decade-length knowledge to just a few pieces of paper in an hour span? Ruto’s wheelbarrows make more sense!
Just like good and evil. Right and wrong. Heroes and villains, Comrades are nice. Exams, not so much.
Following my personal observations, hereunder are five main reasons why Comrades fail their exams. Note that this observations do not necessarily translate into my own experiences. If they did I would have told you so.
Here we go;
1. I WILL STUDY AT NIGHT MANTRA
If you’ve never learnt anything in your life then learn this; you can not reduce a full semester course work into a single night of study. You cannot. It never worked for Einstein and Zuckerberg it will not work for a Neanderthal like you. A son of Earth called Larry said the same thing for a paper we were to have the following morning. Now he is invoking the blessings of his ancestors to help him win a sportpesa jackpot so he can bribe the lecturer to at least give him a D. It’s that bad.
During exam periods, your evil ancestors who died without inheriting widows bring all sorts of things to tempt you away from studying. It’s during this time that the sportpesa bounces back to life and you know you have to draw and analyze odds because what are people looking for in this life anyway? That’s right, money! So when you get to the exam room, you see the question paper and nothing else but odds.
Oh, and I’m not even going to talk about the chief of all temptations for male Comrades; the optically nutritious sisters of Jezebel you meet on your way to exam room. They flash you those wily smiles, perhaps a hug too, you turn around and she’s carrying a huge load of BBI on her back. And just like that, content evaporates from your brain, in a flash.
3. THE KNOW IT ALL COMRADES IN THE EXAM ROOM
These guys are a pain in the ass! You walk into the exam room confident with the knowledge that you’ve got enough content after several hours of strenuous studying. And then you meet these guys talking about things they swear on their father’s beard are going to come in exams. Things that you’ve never even heard of. Mara oh, ” Isaac Newton’s presentation at the royal society.” And just like that, your confidence is gone along with the content.
4. LECTURERS LATE FOR EXAMS
If you’re a lecturer and you’re reading this, with due respect sir (I don’t do the sir/madam thing) if an exam is stipulated to start at 3 pm be there at 3pm not 3 hours later! Content doesn’t stay in Comrades brain forever because that’s not their natural habitat.
You get to the exam room on time and you can’t wait to paste all these content bubbling in your head on the answer booklet. But then the lecturer comes 3 hours late, complaining of traffic or car problems while curiously dangling a piece of toothpick on his mouth. By then, the content is nolonger bubbling in your brain because it’s nolonger there.
5. Well there must not be a number five every time, wouldn’t you agree?
By: Tony Ogwa