I I’m aware that women also do cheat, but on this article today my focus is particularly on men.
I find most of the reasons that cheating men use to justify their infidelity as fascinating because almost all of these reasons imply that cheating was the only logical solution to their relationship issues and other life problems.
I often think to myself how about taking up a hobby or rather actually talking to your significant other about what you are feeling.
Here are just a few of the silly statements men use to justify themselves when caught cheating;
1. Every guy wants to have sex with other women and when the opportunity arises he takes it.
2. If I got enough and better sex at home I wouldn’t need to cheat.
3. If my wife had not gained too much weight I wouldn’t need to cheat.
4. If my job wasn’t stressful I wouldn’t need to release stress on online sex.
5. I am only sexting and flirting where is the harm? I don’t meet up with any of these women in person.
In a psychotherapy perspective we call this type of reasoning DENIAL, denial is a series of internal lies or deceit people tell to make their questionable behaviors seem okay.
Here are realistic reasons why men really cheat;
If he doesn’t have a lot of experience in committed relationships or doesn’t understand that his actions will have consequences like hurting his partner he may think its fine to have sexual adventures.
He may feel as if he is too old or young, not handsome enough, not rich enough, not smart enough etc. To raise his flashing ego he seeks validation from women other than his mate, using this sextracurricular spark of interest to feel wanted.
3. Lack of male social support.
He may have undervalued his need for supportive friendships with other men, expecting his social and emotional needs to be met entirely by his significant other, and if she fails in that duty he seeks fulfilment elsewhere.
4. It’s over.
He may want to end his current relationship but not until he’s got another one lined up. So he sets the stage for his next relationship while still in the first one.
5. Confusion about limerence versus commitment.
He might misunderstand the difference between romantic intensity and long term love, mistaking the neurochemical rush of early romance technically referred to as limerence for love.
6. Childhood abuse.
He may be responding to unresolved childhood trauma – neglect, emotionally abuse, physical abuse, sexual abuse etc. In such cases, his childhood wounds have created attachment and intimacy issues that leaves him unable to commit to one person.
It is possible that is primary focus is on himself and only himself alone. He can therefore lie and keep secrets without remorse or regret.
8. Unrealistic expectations.
He may feel that his partner should meet his every desire, sexual and otherwise 24/7 regardless of how she feels at any particular moment. He fails to understand that she has a life of her own with feelings.
9. Anger revenge.
He may cheat to get revenge. He is angry with his significant other and wants to hurt her. In such cases infidelity is meant to be seen and known.
There are other options rather than cheating. They include couple’s therapy, golf, being open and honest with your partner and working to improve the relationship.