We had just arrived at Asumbi girls for the regional chemistry contest. As Ododa – our Jet’s driver drove around searching for the right girl’s school bus to strategically park our jet next to, we were pulling on the curtains to cover the Jet’s windows. Because we were that cool and needed to show just how classy we are with fancy blue curtains barricading us from the scrutinizing gaze of other students outside. Children of a lesser god.
After confirming that Jet was far larger than any other bus around with the exception of Mbita’s stupid Scania, Ododa finally parked right opposite Ng’iya girls bus. Which was very clever you know. They couldn’t leave before we left. And you wonder why Ododa was our Jet’s pilot and not Airforce1’s.
The mighty Oriwo boys had arrived. The pinchez Republic. Know what I mean? We alighted in procession like the dukes we are. The most chilled out guys to ever grace the world, you know, measured steps, the Jason Momoa smile. Our badges glowing. Singing our praises. Mbele Daima. Mbele Daima. So chilled, wueh!
Not to brag but the ladies were smitten. No, we were not the region’s academic giant in this contest. That honour went to Kanga with their oversized red blazers and Kisii school with their pathetic English accent. And Agoro Sare boys with their primitivity. But what we lacked in the brain we made up in regal and class. In our fitted grey long trousers and blue shirts, we were just quite the thing I tell you. The salt of girls, hehe.
You did not attend contests in Asumbi girls to pass those exams or anything. Those exams were set to be done and passed only by Asumbi girls themselves (after thorough revision of the paper prior to exams) and maybe people from Mars if they exist. The rest of us attended the contests because we were top boys and the school felt that it would be fair to carry us with jet to a girl’s school and feed us soda and a loaf. But I digress.
Now where were we?
Ah yes, the chemistry contest. Orero boys came with their extra large trousers that looked like something that could be stolen out of Akuba’s closet. Who comes to a girl’s school wearing a bendera for a trouser?
Gendia boys too brought their empty heads to embarrass themselves in front of everyone. Why would people who can’t speak proper English even attend a chemistry contest? Kwani they were going to answer those organic and inorganic tests in dholuo? Ati, “oxygen ka okiki gi hidrogen kasto imoko mach to muoch ni pop.”
And then there was Omabei boys. They were alright except they thought raising their
shirt collars was cool. And they thought telling the girls about something they called pula was impressive. Ati ,”sasa cutie I love you more than pula.” Idiots!
Agoro Sare boys.The Agosa, wueh! This story will never end if I start telling about of this guys level of primitivism. They gaped around like apes and told everyone how they are going to beat allience next year. Also they arrived in a lorry! Yeah a lorry because Agoro sare boys think a lorry is the coolest ride to a chemistry contest.
Now before you castigate me for throwing too much shade at the children of a lesser god, may I say that Asumbi girls was a pretty awesome host. They served us their lunch and even much more. This much more I won’t say here because I’m your children’s role model.
For us, this contest wasn’t just a day out. It was also an escape.
An escape from Angelika Rume. And of course you don’t know Angelika Rume. Now a little biography. Angelika Rume was an extremely beautiful girl, always in red high heels and very short miniskirt. She’s said to be light complexioned and narratives conflict whether or not she has a head. Also Angelika Rume is a ghost. Said to haunt Oriwo boys dormitories at night. Some days she was seen other days she was not.
Now the day before this contest she was seen. And this time round she wasn’t just seen, her seers also claimed that Angelika Rume had professed a curse upon all girlfriend less boys in the school. Now guess who had no girlfriend, yours truly here among many others.
Let’s just say Clair said she loved me when we left Asumbi that day.
By: Tonny Ogwa